The Deadly Feeling of Jealousy and How to Overcome It

Ah, jealousy. One of the ugliest emotions that a human being can ever experience. Ever since ancient times, this emotion has caused relationship strains, broken friendships, unhappiness, depression, hate, anger, and any other negative thing in human history. It can even cause wars between countries. All of us has experienced this in our lives. Remember when you were in school and your classmate got higher grades than you and she wasn’t even studying that hard? Or remember the time when you were a teenager and you started liking girls/boys, that your friend keeps getting attention from them while you’re wondering if you’re attractive or not? Or even when you started working and your colleague got that promotion way ahead of you, while you worked your ass off just to watch that asshole get it first? Yes, every single one of us knows this feeling too well. I’ve experienced it way too many times in my life so far. I did learn some ways to cope with it though, here they are and I hope they can help you to cope with your own syndrome of envy:

1)    Realize that everyone is different from you

-       Now just because that guy has a better car than you, doesn’t mean that same car will be right for you. Just because that girl has a hotter boyfriend than you, doesn’t mean that that same boyfriend will make you happy. Everyone has different advantages and disadvantages; everyone has different cards that life has dealt them with. You need to realize that just because that person has that thing in his/her life, that same thing won’t be right for your life.

2)    Be grateful for what you already have

-       My mom always said to me “son, when you want to be truly happy, you have to count your blessings,” and she was spot on. You can’t be happy if you keep looking at what others have that you don’t have. You’re always looking at what’s lacking in your life instead of what you already have. It’s impossible for someone to have absolutely nothing in their life; everyone has something. Even that beggar that you see in the street, he has his life. When you start being grateful for what you already have, only then you will realize that there’s nothing lacking and that you’re a blessed and lucky person.

(Caveat: if you want to add or improve something in your life, then go ahead. However, don’t do this if you’re coming from a place of scarcity, be grateful first then add something to your life or improve it, you will have a much easier time.)

3)    Be happy for the people around you

-       This is probably the hardest step. I know you’re thinking: “why the hell should I be happy for that bastard?” It’s because eventually, you’ll be as happy, or even happier than that person. I know it’s hard to believe that right now, you may be thinking that it’s pure bullshit, but it’s true. Things eventually do get better as time goes by. That problem you had yesterday, you will be able to solve it tomorrow. The worries you have about your job or your love life or your family, it probably won’t happen.

Also, that guy you hate or that girl that you think is snobby, you don’t know their story. You don’t know what’s happening in their lives, whether good or bad. They may be going through some hard stuff right now and are hiding it from everyone. You probably remember that time in your life, everyone remembers that dark time in their lives when they are worried about the worst case scenarios that may happen.

So the next time you see a person like that, be kind to them and give them your smile. I remember a story about a guy who killed himself. He wrote in his suicide note: “If on my way to the bridge where I’m going to jump, at least one person smiles at me, I won’t kill myself.” Guess what happened? Your smile may be able to save a person’s life.

Everyone feels jealous of someone else. I, you or people you know have gotten this feeling too. You don’t have to let this one silly negative emotion ruin your life.

Why do we keep rejecting ourselves?

image source: thebridalbox.com

I'm pretty sure when you had your first crush, you already thought to yourself something along the lines of "I'm too ugly" or "I'm not good enough for him/her" or "would he/she even like me?" Not just in dating but also in things like applying for a job or meeting new people or friends. We always reject ourselves first before other people get a chance to even reject us. It's human nature to be biased towards negativity, but a number of people don't even try for their deathly fear of rejection.

I remember last year, there was this girl I really admire and had a crush on. At this point, I'm very confident in myself on asking out women, but there are still thoughts that race through my mind. Thoughts like "this girl's too pretty for me" or "I'm probably not her type" raced through my mind, but I still gathered my courage and asked her out. Wouldn't you know it, she actually said yes! (We dated a few times until we realized that things won't work out for us, but that's another story) 

So my point is, try it first. We won't know unless we try. When you don't, ask the answer is always no. When you don't try, you'll never know. 

So what are you waiting for? Apply for that job, try that new meetup group, ask that person out. Who knows? They might say yes.

What I Learned This 1st Month of 2019

January is almost over and already so many things happened in my life. From events in my family to events in my career, to events in my relationships and personal life. I've learned a lot with just this first month. So far here's what I learned:

•I got injured playing basketball in the 1st week, I sprained my left ankle. I had to withstand the pain because it was a moderate injury. There are times when I push through it just to be able to spend time with my family because my brother and father was here for the holidays. I still remember walking in SM Megamall with a sharp pain on my left ankle, but it was worth it because I got to spend quality time with my fam. I learned how to withstand pain.

•On the second week I went to an event in my financial advisor part time job and learned a lot of tips from the speakers there. Pru Life UK had its year kick off party. I ate delicious food there and met some new people. What I enjoyed was learning from the more experienced employees. I learned how to have niche market, how to accept rejection gracefully, how to succeed as a part-timer among other stuff. I was disappointed that I had to leave early so that I can rest my sprained ankle.

•On the second and third week was my job application in a call center. I applied at a recruitment agency for call centers and passed. The recruiter gave me choices on which call center I want to apply. I chose the nearer one. I was able to apply a week later than my application in the recruitment agency because I had to rest my ankle more. When I did apply, I passed the application with flying colors. The problem was that the company was unfairly rushing me to complete all my requirements in just one day! I had a gut feeling not to go through with this and since my previous experiences with call centers were bad and I wanted to try a new field of work. I decided not to go through with it. I learned that I can pass a job application, I just had to be confident.

•On the fourth week I had an argument with my mom. I accused her of not having emotional support for me but then she lashed out and defended herself and justified that she does support me, I'm just not noticing it. I felt guilty and apologized immediately after. I promised to her that I will be more responsible in my career, in helping around the house and be responsible in my life in general. I learned to take responsibility.

With those being said, January 2019 is not over. I'm excited for what will happen in the remaining days. I'm also more excited as next February is my birth month!

New Year, New Me? Not really.

Every new year we make resolutions. Every new year we have this mentality that we need to change something in our lives for the better. The "new year, new me" mindset. But, to my surprise, most people actually don't achieve their resolutions. They make resolutions just for the sake of having them, or worse, because everybody else does it. Let me tell you something: you don't have to wait for New Year's to make your resolutions. You can make them anytime of the year. Also, when you're making a resolutions, make it based on what's truly important to you, not based on what other's want for you. If you want to lose weight, then work for it, exercise and diet and lose the excess weight, if you want to travel more then book your next flight soon, if you want to date more then ask out more people that you are attracted to. The most important thing probably is to be committed to the resolution. Finish what you start. If it will take a few months then commit. If it will take a few years then still commit. The reason why most people probably never achieve their resolution is that they quit, simple as that

There's actually nothing wrong with the "new year, new me" mindset. What's wrong is that people keep doing this every year without actually having a "new me."

Stop Being So Damn Serious!

I have a tendency to be too serious at times. I'm pretty sure most of us have that tendency, probably even comedians get really serious from time to time. There are some people though, who take everything way too seriously. They are always pouting and never smile, they can't take a joke, they don't know how to laugh, they get angry at the slightest disagreement, etc. I have met these types of people, and they are not fun to be around. I had to be really careful not to grind their gears, and it took a lot of effort. Compared to people who have even a slight sense of humor, I would rather be with them than the people who are too serious. 

I, myself have been mistaken as a person who was too serious by some people I knew(must be because of my serious face which people commented that is scary). These people are usually just acquaintances and they never hung out with me. When they did and they found out that I actually can laugh, they get really surprised at my sense of humor and my tendency to laugh a lot. 

The reason why I have a sense of humor and laugh a lot is because I learned that:

•Laughter is the best medicine for any bad day

•The most memorable times I have with my family and friends is when we laughed our heads off

•People will like you more if you can make them laugh or at least if you laugh with them

•You will be a lot more attractive to the opposite sex if you have a good sense of humor

Trust me, being a person who is too serious is not fun at all. You will tend to hate everything and you will be unhappy with your life. Stop it and go laugh out loud. You'll be glad you did.

You Need To Let Go Right Now

Letting go is probably one of the hardest things to do in life. We may not be able to let go of our ex cheating on us or our friend stabbing us in the back but we need to for our own well being.

Imagine you're hanging on a cliff for dear life, your right hand is hanging on the ledge while your left hand is holding a bag. You need to let go of this bag to be able to lift yourself up and save your own life. The problem is, we cannot let go of the bag for our own personal reasons. The bag is holding us down but in reality, it's useless. That is like us in real life, only the bag represents our bad experiences in the past.

Remember unless you let go, you won't be able to truly lift yourself up, move on, and enjoy or be happy with your life. Whatever bag is holding you down, let it go and climb the cliff to save your life.

Image source: https://www.masterfile.com/search/en/extreme+dangerous+cliff+hanging

Change is the only Consistent thing in the world

In this world, everything is constantly changing. The season changes from summer to spring. The month will change from August to September. The weather will change from sunny to rainy. Even as of this moment, your body is changing, your becoming hungrier and thinking when you're going to eat next(I might get some food after posting this). Basically everything in this world changes. It's the only consistent thing in the world. The phrase "people change" is true for every person in this planet. We may change physically, or we may change mentally and emotionally. We may change for the worse, or we may change for the better. We are not the same person compared to who we were a year ago, a month ago, a week ago or even who we were yesterday. There was a time where I myself didn't want to change though. I wanted to stay the same because I was comfortable with it. But it hurt me that I stayed the same, because I was not changing to grow. I wanted to stay the same in these ways:

• I wanted to stay a bum, sitting at home watching Netflix a day doing nothing. Now I'm starting to change by being productive and starting my writing and entrepreneurship career.
• I wanted to stay a passenger, not learning how to drive because I was too afraid. I enrolled in a driving school some time ago, I also learned how to drive from family members. Now I'm going to practice since I already know the basics and I will need to learn how to drive on the highway soon.
• I wanted to keep letting my mom cook all my meals for me or if not to eat out. Now I'm starting to want to learn how to cook myself and I will ask my mom to teach me and I will also teach myself how to cook.

These are just some of the things I'm starting to change as of the moment. Some major changes will definitely happen in my life in the following years. I may or may not be ready for them, but I will have to accept them, since these will change me for the better and help me grow. Change may be uncomfortable and hard at first, but it is necessary for us humans to grow and mature, for us to become better ourselves.

image source: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/change-only-constant-teamhealth-medical-call-center